Eye contact is one of the most expressive nonverbal messages available to us. It can convey interest and respect, and it can help build credibility and trust.
But how do you know how much eye contact is too little or too much? And where do you actually look when you're looking someone in the eye? What are the rules for eye contact in professional settings versus social ones? Below are a few eye contact rules to keep in mind:
Eye Contact in Various Settings
The rules for eye contact differ depending on the kind of setting you’re in.
1. Eye contact with a business associate.
“When you’re in a business situation, the area that you look at is the triangle that connects the forehead and the eyes,” says international etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. “That’s what they call the business gaze.” This positioning is most appropriate in a business situation. Imagine a line below your business associate's eyes. This will serve as the base of a triangle and the peak will be at their mid-forehead. To maintain a professional contact, try keeping your eyes in the middle of that triangle when speaking to others.
2. Eye contact in a personal relationship.
In a social setting, according to Whitmore, you are able to look at the entire face. “That’s the social gaze,” she says. If you know someone on a more personal level, invert the triangle so that its peak is now at their mouth. Still, try keeping your eyes focused in the middle of the triangle, which is now at the bridge of their nose.
3. Eye contact in virtual settings.
Establishing trust and showing interest can be a challenge in a virtual setting. One way to help connect with someone is to position the camera on your device at eye level. Also, whenever possible, arrange the view so that the other person appears at the top of your screen. “Look either at the camera or slightly underneath the camera at the person,” Whitmore advises.
Tips for Making Eye Contact Effectively
- Establish eye contact immediately. “The reason why we give good eye contact is because it lets the other person know that we’re interested,” Whitmore says. Try to communicate that interest right away – even before you start speaking.
- Use the 50/70 rule when maintaining eye contact. According to Sharon Sayler in her book What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message), the appropriate amount of eye contact should be "a series of long glances instead of intense stares." To hold appropriate eye contact without staring, the 50/70 rule states that you should maintain eye contact for 50% of the time while you’re speaking and 70% of the time while you’re listening. Still not sure how long you should hold eye contact with someone? Try looking the other person in the eye for about four to five seconds at a time.
- Limit your blink rate. "We tend to blink more when we are under stress so learn to control your blink rate," Sayler writes. If you're trying to send a serious message, try practicing your direct eye contact without blinking, because "limited blinking adds to your message's credibility."
- Look side-to-side when breaking eye contact. When you look away, try to do it slowly to prevent the appearance of nervousness. And refrain from looking down, which can sometimes be interpreted by others as lack of confidence.
- Consider incorporating other body language to communicate nonverbally. You can also communicate your interest and build trust with other body language cues, such as nodding and using your hands to make gestures during conversations.
- Follow the host’s lead. When it comes to eye contact norms, culture can play a role. In North America, "eye contact is generally made between 70 to 85% of the time,” according to Whitmore. But this isn’t the case everywhere. In non-Western business settings, direct and prolonged eye contact with a superior can be seen as a sign of disrespect. Whitmore says the best rule of thumb is to follow the host’s lead. “I always tell my executives that I teach...watch the most senior person and make sure that you're emulating that person’s behavior if you don't know what to do.”
- Avoid making assumptions. Aside from culture, there are reasons why you may not receive eye contact from someone else, according to Judy Goldberg, founder of Wondershift, a coaching and development firm that’s partnered with Fortune 500 companies. “Power, shyness, personal trauma..." and a host of other factors "...could all be reasons you do not receive eye contact, so it is important not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions that someone is deceiving you,” she says. Instead, try to take in nonverbal signs and verbal ones collectively.
The Importance of Eye Contact in Business Communication
In the right setting, eye contact can be a powerful nonverbal communication method. In a business meeting, holding someone’s gaze when they're speaking can indicate active listening, which can help build trust.
Because appropriate eye contact in business is so important, it’s a skill that you should try to continue to develop. “All of this begins with practice,” Whitmore says. “A lot of times, it's just getting yourself in a comfort zone and practicing in non-threatening situations, with friends, with family, with the people you know and trust. If you don't practice these skills, you're not necessarily going to use them,” she adds. “If you don't use them, you lose them.”
A version of this article was originally published on October 09, 2013.
Photo: Getty Images
